Not again with the Paper……

Adeema Khan

With patience I was writing the whole day’s diary and suddenly I felt difficulty by having some grammatical mistakes and I thought to stop it there and consult my English teacher for the same. In the early morning I went to meet the teacher. Finally after searching the whole college I found her and asked her about my grammatical confusion and she was very much happy to discuss and explain me very politely. She cleared all my concept and at last offered me if I can go for the debate which was going on in our college in two days on the world ozone day. First I thought that two days is a very less time to prepare for such a thing which needs practice but with that thought I also remember my father’s advice that opportunities don’t often knock the door. So I abruptly answered “yeah Mam sure, give me the theme I will surely”. She was happy by the positive respond by me and handed over the theme for the topic and the theme was “Keep Cool and Carry On….The Montreal Protocol”. She asked me to reach on time on Monday 1, October. While reaching home I started my project to collect details about the very topic and I surfed the net, check the books, magazines and being a medical student it was surely my cup of tea to handle the Ozone layer stuff. I make a good package of material and jot it down on the pink legal paper and start the thorough reading for the same in a mannered way looking in the mirror and finally I was ready to show the practice to my teacher. When I showed the material to her she was impressed but the real bravery was to say it now and I gave a good presentation before her and at last she commented that “Beta…I think you should go for it without the paper, that would be best, try without looking on the paper much” I was a bit nervous now. Mam, I will try to look less on the paper but to go fully without it for debate is almost an impossible thing” I asked. “Nothing is impossible, well still try it and have practice, see you on the debate”, saying all this she left. I was now in a bit nervous mood that what to do then I thought it’s still good with paper because if I will go without the paper I have to cram the material and in one day it’s not easily to cram 4 large pages so I go as I was. On the debate next day all were cramming in the auditorium, pages in the hand, wrinkles on the forehead, some were biting their lips some were biting their nails others were pulling their beard. The atmosphere was fully covered with tension and nervousness but I was cool but with one pressure on the mind that I can’t go without the paper, I will forgot everything if I will even the ministers have their speech ready on the paper why not me. All these were the concepts I was carrying but surely I was wrong. When the programme was started the guests arrived and the speech was going on by our principle, honourable guest, and teachers and now the turn was for us. All were quaking in their boots and I was too. When the participators came one after another instead to be confident I was losing the confidence because the majority of the students were without the paper and my teacher was pointing her sharp eyebrows on those students on their arrival on the stage. Now came my turn, yes my turn, the concentration of the adrenal hormone was very high and there was pin drop silence even my heart beat was audible to me and I showed the full confident and rock the stage. Claps was audible from every corner of the auditorium and I was now lightened as if a burden of rocks had been put down from my back , even the Mam smiled when I looked at her while coming down the stage. After me the participators were continuing to come one after the. Now it was the result time and I was confident that atleast I would have the second position neither second surely third but the results were totally shocking for me. The position was secured by another college and it was a big failure for me .I secured neither first nor second and nor the third one. It was a sort of ivory for me that why this happen with me I wasn’t good but I was very good, so was not the success then I remembered the advice of my Mam “GO WITHOUT THE PAPER”.I at that very moment accepted my mistake that I was told by my teacher not to take paper with me but to say fully with the power of my brain and I take it lightly and take that pink legal paper with me on the dice and that made the real blunder. We always curse our destiny for the failures but the real truth is that we are ourselves responsible for every failure of life and for that not the judges, neither the destiny and nor anyone is responsible. MY life’s this failure make me to learn the biggest lesson of the life. I am sure about the winning of the next debate because I won’t repeat the previous mistake. I will drag myself from my comfort zone by practicing harder and harder and speak from my brain not from the paper on the dice. I meet my teacher today and I wasn’t able to look in her eyes, I greet her looking downwards and I told her “Sorry Mam next time I will make my college to win” but she answered very sweetly “It’s ok Beta but….next time NOT AGAIN WITH THE PAPER”.